7 Questions: Thesis

It’s really hard to sum up a person like Sean “Thesis” Eberhart, so I’m not even going to try. As is stated in his bio section on the Cloudmakers website, “He’s the man and everyone knows that shit.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. I met Sean back in 2009 when his group played after me at a show in Long Beach. I’ve been a blatant fanboy ever since, and I’m not sorry. Most known for his affiliation with a number of renowned rap crews (Cloudmakers, On A High Note, English Class Project), his appearances on The Cypher Effect and his own web series (Webcam Borz), his being all buddy-buddy with Tha Pharcyde, sporting dreadlocks and LA Gears, and his daily (hourly) Facebook gems, Thesis is slowly but surely grabbing everyone’s attention – and the son of a bitch doesn’t even have an album out.

I’ve wanted to conduct interviews for a long time now and I have a lengthy list of people I think would be a good fit for whatever it is I’m hoping this might evolve into. You’re a funny dude with a good brain, and we already know each other, which is why I asked you to be my very first interviewee. So my first question is obviously, how fucking honored are you right now?

Thesis: I can’t even explain to you how honored I am TBH (And I only use TBH when I’m really honored, so that in itself shows how honored I am TBH). I mean when the one and only Gaddy Zooko hits you up for an interview, you know that you’re doing something right. I’m a big fan of your writing style both on and off the mic, so I knew it was gonna be a fun opportunity to have a little chat with my boy!!!

Sean, your friendly ass is making me sound like a shithead. Sarcasm is the only language I’m completely comfortable writing in, and the false arrogance thing only works if it’s fully reciprocated. Where were we? You may or may not be aware of this, but you’re quite an odd looking fellow. What ethnicities are you most mistaken for? And what impact, if any, do you think your appearance has on your persona as a rapper?

Thesis: Man, I get confused for any race that’s brown. Mexican, Persian, Native American, South American, Samoan….if it’s brown, people think I’m it. I’ve embraced it tho. At a young age I had this realization. “Sean….you’re not attractive…..so be funny.” I think that’s helped me with my persona and confidence which in turn helps with my rapping. I take everything with a light heart and I think that attracts people, when they know they can let their guard down and just have a good ole time.

Wait so you’re not Samoan? Well that explains why you never get angry, also why you wear shoes. When we went to SXSW together I discovered you didn’t own a phone, which surprised me. But my surprise turned to fascination (and, if we’re being honest, a little hate) when I found out you have a few thousand more Instagram followers than I do. Kindly explain that shit.

Thesis: Well I had a phone….but I lost it. Now I just use my girlfriend’s phone to post some pics up whenever I’m in the Instamood….. and I know I said I wasn’t attractive, but I lied. I’m actually very VERY attractive, so people wanting to look at pictures of me is a no brainer. When it comes to Instagram, it’s all about looking bomb AF, and I’m just really good at doing so.

….. Huh? Oh, sorry… I was just scrolling through your IG posts. I’m here. One of your memes recently went viral, getting an official total of like-a-bazillion RT’s and even showing up on several major websites. If my web-stalking game is as strong as I believe it to be, you didn’t really get credit for that. My question is, how bad do you want to punch the internet in its stupid face?

Thesis: Haha man that day was a spectacle to say the least. I just really enjoy having a sense of humor and I like to find the funnier side of things. I always mess around with photoshop, so to me it was just another funny picture I was playing with. When I woke up and realized it was everywhere from Complex to Vibe to USA Today, it really tripped me out. I never thought about giving myself credit for it until I saw other people getting credit for it, so I didn’t even think about trying to put a big ole watermark on it. I was kinda salty at first, I ain’t gonna lie, but at the end of the day it’s all in fun and I was just happy that many people found it as funny as I did.

You’re without a doubt the best rapper I know personally. Before you thank me for the compliment, you should know that I hate you for it. As much as I want to ask how you got so good at rapping, I won’t, because A. that’s just a stupid question, and B. I already know in my heart of hearts that you sold your soul to the devil, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. So instead, I’ll ask you this: If you had to pursue a career in any other musical genre, but were guaranteed to never become rich and famous from it, what would you do? Take note that the tuba exists.

Thesis: Haha man we look like a couple of groupies saying how much we like each others music. You’ve always known you’re one of my favorite rappers as well, so you know it means a lot to me for you to say that. I really love all different styles of music yo. My dad was a big fan of smooth jazz growing up, so I’ll always have a love for that. I also like metal, it’s really the first place I started creating my own music. I was a guitarist in a metal band in high school, and I just love the energy it brings out. As funny as it sounds, it would be a toss up between those two, despite how contrasting they are to each other. If I could combine the two that could be pretty dope. Maybe a nice smooth sax that turns into a crazy breakdown out of nowhere. I think we might be onto something…..

You’re probably the best person for me to ask this next question. If I don’t, it’ll just sit in the file I’ve brilliantly labeled, “Questions to Ask People,” and I’ll surely regret it. I really can’t afford any more regrets in life, so the question is… if you had to give up one for the rest of your life, would you rather give up weed or Mexican food? Keep in mind that weed is generally the same every time while Mexican food varies greatly and boasts a plethora of options. Also consider the fact that most people eventually outgrow weed but burritos are enjoyed by all until death. Choose wisely.

Thesis: You know man, don’t get me wrong, I do love me some Mexican food, but this question would have been a lot harder for me if you would have asked me about Chinese food. I could eat it every day of my life. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna do you a favor and pretend you said Chinese food, and the answer would have to be that I’d give up weed, because Chinese food gets me high in it’s own right. It’s like love, mixed with sex, mixed with soy sauce and Sriracha. I would just smoke an egg roll like a blunt and I’d be straight!!

All jokes aside, I really appreciate you doing this and I’m happy to know you. Last question: Seriously, what the fuck is Noearth’s problem?

Thesis: Honestly, dude is just a piece of shit. We look like friends to the public, but we hate each other. We usually fist fight after every show (I always win) and he’s just done some really shady shit. He steals candy from babies, he sleeps with wives that have husbands in the military serving our country, he litters, he waters his grass for 12 hours a day but his yard is nothing but dirt, he cusses at nuns, he disrespects women both physically and verbally, he abuses all of his pets at the same damn time, he said you’re not even good at rapping, he wets his bed, and worst of all… he doesn’t wash his hands after he uses the restroom. He’s all in all just bad news. I hate him. If you’re reading this Erf, I HATE YOU!! YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF THESIS!!!!!!!!

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